Blessed by God

I have hardly been able to sleep the past few days -- and not only from the typical newborn responsibilities. Even after Amanda is fed and back to sleep, I lie awake in bed -- my mind simply cannot think enough about the incredible blessing we've just received, and I go over and over it. (I know, at some point, sheer exhaustion is going to take over!). It reduces me to tears -- this complete happy surprise that was just handed to us -- literally, just handed to us....

We happened to be near our church last night in time for the 6pm Saturday night service, and figured -- why not -- lets go tonight rather than tomorrow morning. We walked in, thinking we were a few minutes early, when we realized the service actually had been moved up to 5:30. Oops! So we snuck in the back, just in time for the sermon.

Our pastor ended the service with a benediction from Ephesians 3:20, which reads:
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..."
And of course, I started crying (again!) -- immeasurably more is right! We never in our wildest dreams thought we'd get a Safe Surrender baby! As Paul told my brother, most people would give their eye teeth for what we just got!

I have been struggling to trust God in the past 4 years -- his answers to my fervent prayers through the dry times of infertility weren't very apparent. Even in the past few months, when I knew with certainty that we were in line and would get a yet-to-be-determined child from the system, it's taken discipline to turn my fears over to Him, and to stop obsessing about the factors that were completely out of my control. But in the back of my mind, I still felt overlooked by God, and my prayers were said more out of hope than out of assurance.

I remember telling someone a few years ago that no one wanted to hear my testimony right then. People want to hear the happy ending -- the formula for testimonies is generally -- I struggled, I turned it over to God, and here's the happy ending that he gave me. It seemed so trite, and like it didn't apply to my life. I really came to appreciate it when I would hear people honestly talk about their struggles to trust God, and how he doesn't promise an easy life here on earth, just that he'll walk with us.

And look what He's done in our lives now -- happy ending to beat all happy endings (OK, the bottom could still drop out by next week if the birth mother changes her mind, but I'm growing in confidence that we'll get to keep Amanda.).

God is good, and he can do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine...